The Omnipresent Noise

I'm astute enough to know that there are people I text who couldn't care less about my life or anything I have to say in that message. Yet, I may like that person, and I know that if I didn't make the effort to reach out occasionally I'd never see or hear from them again in my lifetime. And obviously there are those that do care. I think we all just know by those who consistently leave us unread for days, or even weeks. Although it's not all black and white, and it doesn't necessarily mean that they hate you.

I'm old enough to remember a time when the primary function of a phone was to call people and have conversations. That and call the speaking clock, or give your Nan three rings to let her know you got home safely.

And this may sound terrifying today, but when the phone rang, you had no idea who was on the other end. The only way to find out was to pick it up and say hello. Until the mid-nineties, when you had caller display and the option to dial 1471 if you didn't want to pick up the phone.

Later, when the mobile phone came along, texting was all the rage. But I don't recall ever waiting days or weeks for replies. Probably because it was all new, and texting was pretty much all you could do on your phone other than make calls. I mean, there was Tetris, but games on the phone were in their infancy back then.

However, sending a text or WhatsApp message in 2026 can sometimes feel like a bit of a lottery. Depending on the recipient, some replies are received within minutes or hours, while others could take days or even weeks. And that's just for the thing to be read, let alone the time it takes some people to reply.

Although if you’re messaging someone who has a partner and three kids, then it’s likely they have more important things going on in their life. I don’t have parents, a wife, or kids, so there’s no one in this world who sees a text from me and immediately thinks “It’s David, I must read this immediately”. I mean, they can't leave their partner's text message hanging for days and say they "forgot" about them. Well, maybe some do.

I do, on occasion, reply to a message "in my head" before actually replying, but I can't recall a time when I took weeks to get back to someone. Especially if they're asking a time-sensitive question. I'm not really talking about Facebook Messenger as that's a different animal, so mostly text and WhatsApp.

I think the whole 'leaving messages unread' for days thing is pretty telling, though. It takes literally seconds to read a message, so not reading it is basically saying 'I don't really care about anything you've written so I'll read it whenever.'

I know people who have kicked off about their messages being left unread. I’ve even been with someone, as they said of their friend: “They’ve been online three times today, but still haven’t read my message from this morning!”

Yet that same person who hated it being done to them has also left several of my messages unread for days. Probably not intentionally, but sometimes people treat others the way they are treated. In their minds, that's just what people do.

I also once knew a self-confessed “terrible texter” who’d take days to get back to me – but she'd happily sit and reply to texts if we were sat in a pub together.

We're no longer friends.

I stopped messaging her while my parents were in hospital. Prior to that, we'd texted every few days for well over a year. Sometimes every day. Until I accepted the fact that I was always the one who initiated these messages. Not once did she ask how my parents were or how I was, and it took this double tragedy for me to wake up and realise she couldn't care less about me. And as predicted, as soon as I stopped sending messages, I never received anything. It's been well over two years now, so it's a safe bet to say I will never see or hear from her again.

It's sad when a friendship perishes. But at the same time, I had this huge wave of relief. This person can never ignore you again. You're no longer checking your phone every hour waiting for a message, and it's kind of liberating.

That said, it's also a grief process. I know she's not dead. Well, not to my knowledge. But when you know you're never going to see or hear from someone again, then they are dead to you. And I don't mean that in a nasty way.

Obviously, that's an extreme example of a breakdown in communication, but it does happen.

I also have my own theories on why people seem much more distant in 2026. And it's not about being "busy" or "forgetful" or me just being unliked. I've spoken to other people recently whose friends just leave their messages unread for days.

So I don't believe it's anything personal, more a reflection of the society we live in today.

I love modern technology, but it’s become this omnipresent “noise” that never stops. We’re now plugged into the news 24/7, the work "group chat" means many are connected to their workplace seven days a week, and if we want to listen to a new song, read a book, or watch a film, it’s all instantly accessible on a mobile device. Our phones are now photo galleries, maps, calendars, health monitors, pet trackers, while we do our banking, book holidays, do our weekly shop, play games, or search for houses and jobs. Not to mention all the social media notifications and a myriad of other things.

The point is that we now have SO MUCH at our fingertips, pretty much instantly, and it can be overwhelming. So an incoming message from a friend is just another thing to add to the long list of ‘tasks’ for our minds to process and prioritise. Some people are so busy doomscrolling that an incoming message from a human being is no more than an unwanted distraction. For example, if a call comes in while I'm trying to watch a funny dog video on Instagram, that call isn't being answered.

However, this is a sobering thought, but I am aware that 90% of the time I'm initiating messages, and if I stopped messaging people altogether, I may never hear from anyone again.

Personally, I now view sending a text or WhatsApp message as tossing a message in a bottle into the sea of noise. If the recipient cares about you enough, they'll respond in time. If they don't, they don't. Although I'll take a delayed text over someone replying to a text with a phone call, any day.