The Friend Who Went Awry

Ten years ago, I had a good friend. Well, I had several, but this is about one person in particular. A female friend, and the relationship was strictly platonic. We’d occasionally meet for lunch, or have a cultured day out at an art gallery or a trip to the coast. Her partner at the time didn’t seem to mind. He was a kind, gentle soul and someone I respected. I mean, he may have taken one look at me and instantly realised I wasn’t a threat… but she was just a good friend I’d known for over a decade.

Over the years, I realised that she was having issues with various people. At least two men on social media upset her, then a mutual friend upset her, then her brother’s partner, then there was some beef with her partner’s family. To be honest, I lost count. Looking back, she had issues with a LOT of people. At the time, I didn’t see the obvious red flags, but I do remember trying to be supportive over a FaceTime chat as she was clearly upset and constantly spoke about being “manipulated” by someone. I remember that I was also struggling at the time because this batcrap crazy dog had recently entered my life, and my work salary had been slashed overnight. Although I like to think I did all I could to be a supportive friend.

She doesn’t read my blogs (thankfully), but I can almost hear her using the word “gaslighting” – but if you know someone who has issues with multiple people, then you have to ask… do they attract horrible people or are they maybe quite hyper-sensitive? Or are two of those bad people, and the others just said things that were misinterpreted?

I don't like to judge, but she did. In fact, I remember when that Christopher Jefferies was arrested for murder back in 2010, she said “He definitely did it!” and I’m sure a lot of people thought that. But that’s the sort of person she was back then.

As my life spiralled into chaos and I lost my home in 2017, my friend’s life now seemed to be flourishing. Although she seemed to be talking more and more about money, her “substantial savings”, and followers on social media. She’d often say, “I’m not rich!” But that’s like me saying I don’t post many dog photos on Facebook. Possibly not rich compared to Ricky Gervais or Elon Musk, but rich compared to the average working-class family. I think once you reach a certain level of wealth, it just becomes normal, and you can’t see your own privilege.

I was growing increasingly concerned that my friend was exhibiting “main character syndrome” and she truly believed certain posts on social media were directed at her and her alone. That I was somehow mocking her middle-class existence, simply for showing my life, warts and all, on social media.

The truth is, I was just bored with how “fake” social media was becoming. The posh meals, the immaculate desks, the exotic holidays. I really just wanted to be “real” and speak out on behalf of every working-class soul who may have been feeling a bit inadequate.

So this, ladies and gentlemen, is apparently the most offensive thing I’ve posted on social media. A picture of my lunch.

Except, in her mind, it was a direct attack on her middle-class lifestyle and the final straw. So she blocked me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and probably even MySpace. She also blocked the accounts of my dog and my cartoon mouse. I wish I could say I was exaggerating, or there was more to it than that, but I was always nothing but kind to my friend and always spoke highly of her… until, one day, I posted something she didn’t like.

I was just bored of scrolling through photos of posh dinners in expensive restaurants that I thought I’d show life in the real world. All I could afford that day for lunch and dinner. I think maybe on a subconscious level, I was crying out for help. Except, she saw “manipulation” – and there’s that word again.

My only theory is that she knew I was really struggling financially. I think she feared I was going to ask for help. Ironically, of all the people I reached out to for financial help, she wasn’t one of them. I knew money was too important to her. It would be like someone asking me to loan them my dog for a few weeks. A part of me… “God, yes, take her!” But no, that’s never going to happen.

Despite the lifetime blocking, I checked in on her recently. She has a public social media page and seems to be in good health, which is the main thing. I’m not going to contact her as I try to keep my distance from people who are easily "triggered". She wouldn’t see it as an email asking if she was okay; she’d see it as something else. Like some form of manipulation. She’d overanalyse every word, discuss it with her partner and try to make it this big drama.

As I’ve said, life is too short for that sort of batcrap crazy stuff.

Maybe I could have dealt with things differently at the time, but to be perfectly honest I had bigger things going on than me and her. My mum had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I had no idea how that would pan out. Seven years on I can say it was far worse than I could have imagined, but that's another story.

I never want to be that person who blocks someone on social media over something so trivial. I’m just not a burning bridges kind of person. Besides, I don't think I need to be. There's a saying, "Sometimes the trash takes itself out," but I'm in no way saying my former friend was "trash". It's also been said that "One man's trash is another man's treasure", so nobody is really trash.

Although I do believe that, occasionally, the universe likes to separate the wheat from the chaff in your life. And it's sometimes nice when it just happens.